Like a "Jackhammer Being Ground in a Compactor"

Straight off the band's myspace: "Hatebeak is a death metal grindcore band that has an avian vocalist. It's sick as hell and definitely worth the listen."


By "avian vocalist" they are referring to the 19-year old Congo African Grey PARROT named Waldo that serves as, well, the band's vocalist. The other two members, Blake and Mark, are actually human. And with songs like "God of Empty Nest" and "Beak of Putrefaction" you really can't go wrong.

I found Johnny Red's twin.

Dakota Wears Them Better

Grand Optical is running an ad campaign with dogs as their models... Unfortunately, Dakota and I missed the casting call.

Dakota totally rocks the glasses look better than that bitch above.

R&B So Bad That It's Actually GREAT

Girl, you make me want to get you pregnant (knock you up/ knock you up) ...



Then there's also this gem of a remix ...



These have been stuck in my head for about four days now...ENJOY!

HO HO HO

I wonder how many kids were a little confused by this particular Santa. Here are some more Sketchy Santas.

On the subject, I have a very unflattering photo of me circa 1994, sitting on Santa's lap with tears flowing down my distorted, flushed face, my mouth open wide as I'm clearly sobbing while a family friend (dressed as an elf) is trying to hand me a present to calm me down. Yup, I was scared of Santa up until I reached an age where it became unacceptable for me to be sitting on his lap. Thank God those days are over.

Anyone else have some good Santa stories?

The Great Debate

Team Edward or Team Jacob? Meh. How about the completely overlooked Team Jasper???

After seeing New Moon tonight, and having previously read 2.7 out of the 4 Twilight books I maintain that Jasper is the greatest of them all.

Five reasons why:
1. He tries to kill Bella because of a paper cut
2. His name is JASPER
3. He can calm people with his mind
4. His body is covered in badass battle scars
5. He is obviously adorable


Plus, Edward was wearing too much lipstick and Jacob had weird hair for 1/2 the movie. Oh, and did I mention he tries to kill Bella????

Here You Go J.Red...

Antique surfing? This looks even harder than normal surfing:



NY Times did an article on alaias. It looks like surfing on a plank of wood.
Check it out here.

Remember When S Worked At BanQ?

Sheryl's former place of work featured on ArchDaily:

In additional to the cool architecture, I hear they have great brunch...
More photos here.

Squirrel

Portrait by Gustavo Fajardo

Jell Geyner

Portrait by Gustavo Fajardo

Dennis Baginski

Portrait by Gustavo Fajardo

Time To Get My Christopher Walken Fix

Christopher Walken plus Sam Rockwell to star in a broadway play about a man looking for his missing hand?? Okay, if you say so.

I'm buying my ticket now.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/culturemonster/2009/11/christopher-walken-sam-rockwell-to-star-in-broadways-behanding.html

I Love Jack White

For the Dawgies...

Happy almost-Thanksgiving! Enjoy this Thanksgiving Day Dinner canned dog food.

WWGD Wednesday

Here's the latest installment of WWGD Wednesday:

One morning, when Grandpa and his friend are driving to a job, his friend sees a cute girl walking down the street in a short jean skirt and tank top. The friend tells Grandpa to check her out and Grandpa obliges… only to realize that this little hottie is me.

It was spring 2002, it was starting to get hot out and I was in high school… what do you expect.

So I’m walking to school at 8 o’clock in the morning, minding my own business, when next thing I know I am getting pulled over by two old men in a powder blue station wagon.

My first instinct is to run, but then I hear his voice.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“Oh. Hi Grandpa. I’m going to school”

“NOT IN THAT OUTFIT, YOU’RE NOT,” he yells. “NOW GET HOME AND CHANGE.”

And with that, Grandpa drives off. Leaving me stranded, scantily clad, two blocks away from school and crying.

Fearing what Grandpa might do if he catches me, I turn around, go home and change into jeans and a frumpy sweater. I leave no skin showing.

When I finally arrive at school, I am sweating and late. I have to go strait to the attendance office to explain what happened. I tell the attendance lady the truth – that I would have been on-time if my Grandfather didn’t make me go home and change – and she lets me slide.

… I think she saw that I was crying.

A few good reads...

In case you are bored at work today like I am... here are a few good reads:

1. The Boundaries of a Breakup - This guy and his girlfriend break up. They go cold turkey and cut off all communication... but remain facebook friends. What follows is very funny and includes an 82-year-old grandfather who uses facebook, which made me laugh. This article is really cute and will make you smile.

2.Brain Scan Finds Man Was Not in a Coma - After 23 years, doctor's discover that a man thought to be in a coma is actually just completely paralyzed. He still has brain function and can communicate via a highly sensitive tough pad. Some of the things that he says are really beautiful and go great with the Thanksgiving theme.

3.Vanish - Long, but good. Wired writer goes on the lamb while readers use social media outlets to track him down... dun-dun-dun-dun.

A Moment With Spencer Pratt

Hey, remember when Heidi Montag performed during the Miss Universe Pageant?

Err wait, you didn't watch it? Well, neither did I but my boy Spencer's been claiming it was the most watched television event in the history of the world. So it obviously must be true if Spencer the Motivation Dispenser says so...in fact, he's even bet $1,000 on it.

Well, wouldn't you know it...the radio station he bet against did a little research and it turns out Princess Di's funeral was, in fact, the most watched event in TV history. By a long shot. Like about 1.5 billion.

So now the DJs want their money - but not so fast bro-sef, says Spencer. It's all about technicalities. Little known fact: Spencer invented the technicality. He also invented the TV.

See, Spencer re-listened to the audio from the radio show. He specified "performance" ...the most watched performance, not event, brah. This isn't my first bro-deo, and I want my money. I'm the best. I'm Spence-dawg.

Until further disproved, Spencer King of the World, wins on technicalities.

Long live Spencer Pratt!

Another Voice Over by Sheryl

Sheryl's voice sounds slightly different in this video where she talks about her Graphic Design Senior Thesis than it did in the video below...

BOOTY CALL

I can't believe I'm allowing this to make its rounds...let alone posting it myself.

PENN STATION

There's a cafe in Penn Station that serves $3 20 oz beers to go... Excellent place to pre-game and people watch... or take a beer on the train w/ you.

That's Shan Flan drinking a Blue Moon with a straw - very classy.

Fishinbars. Intanks.

Speaking of weird fishes... this was one weird fish:

Fat Dog

Poor thing...

For the LOSTies out there...

The sixth (and final!) season premieres
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2010.

Mark your calendars. Any theories on what's going to happen? Comment!

Order's Here!

My order from the UK that I wrote about a little while ago is here!!!

I love how pumped the woman was to write U.S.A on the package... and that little card that says "Hello!"

An Early Xmas Treat From Bob Dylan!

Did Bob Dylan finally lose it? You be the judge:



I personally find this video both absurd and hilarious. In fact, I hate it so much that I think I actually love it. Dylan's singing voice sounds like the voice of an evil cartoon villain. He has shoulder length, flat-ironed hair, and wears a rotation of top hats and Santa caps. He dances around with kooky accordion players, and borderline high fives Santa Claus when some random guy inexplicably jumps through a window.

Best Xmas video ever? Yes, I think so. I can only imagine what the rest of his Christmas album sounds like!

Grandpa Wants You to Join the Army

It’s that time of week again: What Would Grandpa Do Wednesday!

On another seemingly normal afternoon, I’m sitting in my living room and my mother gets a phone call. It’s the police. Because Red had been getting into trouble lately, naturally she thought, “You've got to be kidding me. What did he do now…”

Well this time was a little different.

There is a park in our town with a brook running through it - about 20-25 ft wide. Apparently, on this seemingly normal afternoon, Red decided to try and ‘jump it.’ And, that he did.

He made it across, but upon landing he slipped in the mud and fell backwards, falling headfirst into the three-inch-deep, stone-lined brook. He was knocked unconscious, mumbled some weird things and was rushed to the head trauma wing of the hospital.

Most of my family raced to the hospital worried and concerned about Red’s well being.

Grandpa did too, but Grandpa was feeling a much different emotion: He was PISSED.

He was not so much concerned about Red’s injury, but more concerned with how Red got the injury. Why was he trying to jump across a brook? in the local park? in broad daylight?

When I got to the hospital, Red was lying in bed in a neck brace, heavily sedated and looking horrible.

Grandpa was already there.

He asked me what happened and then turns to Red—who is in-and-out of consciousness:

“That’s it!! Your going into the Army!” He yells, trailing off… “I’m gunna sign him up! This is bullshit!”

“Grandpa, he's unconscious,” I reply. “He can’t hear you. And, he has a head injury. He can’t go into the army now”

“When he wakes up he is going in the army!!!”

Well… Red woke up, he’s fine now, and he is not in the army.

Long story short, falling while jumping across a brook is equivalent to being arrested for drug possession in Grandpa’s book… and warrants being shipped off to the army for some discipline.

Oh, how I love Grandpa.

Fishinstripes' Official Mode of Transportation

Pink taxi's are whizzing through the streets of Pueblo, Mexico, picking up exclusively female commuters - NO BOYS ALLOWED!

The taxi's are each equipped with a GPS, emergency alarm button, and a beauty kit. They are all driven by female cabbies, and were implemented to reduce harrassment towards women traveling in cabs.

Women's rights organizations are obviously offended by the stereotype that the taxi's are encouraging, but what girl wouldn't want to ride in the back of a hot pink car, chaffeured by a friendly Mexican woman, while touching up your makeup?

It's Alive

This poor fish is still alive :(. So disturbing. Sweet dreams.

Are Donuts the new Cupcakes?

These excessively topped (albeit delicious-looking) donuts are a selection of specialty donuts from the Fractured Prune Donut Shoppe in Ocean City, MD (image via Eat Me Daily).

Now that I think about it, it seems like a great idea--the natural progression of the current trends could easily lead to some sort of "boutique" donut. Cupcakes exploded so quickly and have been the trendy thing for a few years now. The foodie world is due for its next big star: Donuts.

Similar in concept, but different medium. Think of all the crazy flavors and toppings you could create with a donut! If nobody jumps on this trend soon, I will. As soon as I learn how to make a donut...

And Now, A Moment With Spencer Pratt

My favorite person on this planet has had some exceptional tweets this morning.

Seriously, what is there not to love:

Very Short Stories

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about short stories. I follow VeryShortStory on Twitter and the other day, Chick In Stripes posted a link to this site: onesentence.org. I like that they're direct, to the point and leave something to be desired.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's Hemingway's shortest story:

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's 6 words without a title and, supposedly, Hemingway claimed it to be his best work.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's one a bit longer by Franz Kafka called "The Next Village":

My grandfather used to say: "Life is astoundingly short. To me, looking back over it, life seems so foreshortened that I scarcely understand, for instance, how a young man can decide to ride over to the next village without being afraid that—not to mention accidents—even the span of a normal happy life may fall far short of the time needed for such a journey."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I like Hemingway's better.

I MUST SEE THIS

The Tim Burton exhibition at the MoMA looks SOOO COOL! I'm giddy with excitement from these new installation photos:

These are really sweet

Artist, Keetra Dean Dixon, transforms everyday objects meant for one person into objects meant for collaborative effort. I think they're really cute.

"Just Between You and Me"

"Keep an Eye on You"

Peep more here and feel your heart melt.

Who tops my OML?

One word: DENZEL

Like a fine wine, Denzel gets better with age ringing in at a ripe old 53. Yum.

ADD HIM TO THE OML FILE

The OML, more commonly known as The Old Man List, falls under the umbrella of a girl's broader Celebrity List. But...it's composed of "old" men. Mine includes such historic figures as Jeff Goldblum and Anthony Bourdain.

I've been mulling over the opening in my Wildcard position for a while, and have finally filled the role: Drew Pinsky. Yes, Dr. Drew Pinsky.


He's barely old at ripe young 51 years of age..but don't question me! He has gray hair and is beautiful.

Photo Shootzz

When D, S and I lived together and got restless in the wee hours of the night, we used to have random photo shootz. Here's one:

SQUIRREL_S

JILLI

DENNIS aka D aka DBAG aka DENISE

COMING SOON: FISH IN STRIPES STRIPED PHOTO SHOOT

Stripes are the new Solid

Just doing a little online window shopping at TopShop and, wow, there are a ton of striped items out right now.

I LOVE this T! Classic double pocket tee combining stripes and sequins. I may have to buy this... now.

I also really like these big loopy scarves right now. For some reason I am really big on comfort at the moment (i.e. big sweaters and boyfriend jeans).

What Would Grandpa Do Wednesday

One of our friends, who will go unnamed, has the coolest grandfather ever. Every time I see her, I am hoping for a new “Grandpa story.” They usually include lots of yelling, lots of cursing and lots of laughs (even though they sometimes scare the shit out of me). I asked her to kindly send me a story once a week for a new installment on our blog called “What Would Grandpa Do?” aka WWGD.

Here’s a little intro and story #1 from the granddaughter herself:

My grandpa is an unbelievable man. He always helps anyone in need. He is one of the most generous people I know, but Grandpa also grew up learning “you do not take shit from anyone.” So sometimes there are “incidents,” as my family and I like to call them.

This one is Jill’s personal favorite:

About 4, maybe even 5, years ago, my 16-year-old brother, lets just call him Red, was going through his rebellious stage aka his ghetto stage. And, I don’t mean your typical Jersey ghetto. I am talking fur jackets, diamond studs and pants half way down his ass. He was basically a Casper-white, red headed 50 Cent.

Needless to say, Grandpa was not happy with Red’s new look and don’t-give-a-fuck attitude.

One calm, seemingly normal afternoon, I am sitting on my computer when I hear the back door bang open. I look over to see Grandpa barreling in. Clearly he is on a mission.

“Where’s Red???” he barks at me.

“In the living room,” I reply.

I start to duck out of the room, but ultimately decide that I need to see this.

Grandpa pulls Red off the couch and throws him across the room onto the loveseat. Expletives are flying everywhere and Red shames the entire rap community by bursting into tears.

“You’re coming with me!!” Grandpa tells him.

And without a word, my 68-year-old grandfather and 16-year-old brother walk out the back door.

About an hour or 2 later Red walks in, eyes swollen, clearly shaken up.

“What happened?” I ask.

“He took me to Newark.” *

“What do you mean he took you to Newark???”

“He took me to fucking Newark. OK???” Red yells as he slinks away into his room.

Later, I go see Grandpa to find out what he did to Red.

“I do jobs in the worst parts of Newark,“ Grandpa casually explains. “If he is gunna act and dress like that, I thought he’d enjoy a tour.”

* If you dont know what Newark is, Google it. It's gangsta town in Jersey about 15 minutes down the road from the town Jill & the granddaughter grew up in. Its a place where people get shot and a place where suburban kids risk their lives going to illegally buy alcohol.

"If my baby loses his pacifier, dat's cool, cuz I got THREE more!"

Jump to 3:32 if you wanna skip the whole intro and get to the good stuff...

The Distant Future, The Year 2000

Fishinstripes chick as a robot:


Reminds me, though... RIP Jill 2000:

Jazz up your lappy

This laptop decal reminded me of Jill's aesthetics:

Part of a collection of "mobile art" from Gelaskins - a site that commissions artists to design decals for your laptop, iPhone, BlackBerry, iPod, etc. You can even upload your own artwork or photo!

MEEKO

My friend Jess has the cutest dog in the world, Meeko. He is Dakota's park buddy.

MILEY CYRUS IS A DUMB BITCH

Miley Cyrus, whose lyrics go "that's when the taxi man turned on the radio/ and a Jay Z song was on/ and the Jay Z song was on/ and the Jay Z song was on" admitted to US Weekly that she's never heard a Jay Z song.

A. you probs shouldn't admit that if it's a hook in your song
B. Are you dumb? My grandmother has probably heard Jay Z songs... she also lives in Jersey City... but whatever. Miley, you're dumb.

News – Miley Cyrus: "I've Never Heard a Jay-Z Song" – Movies, TV & Music – UsMagazine.com

Still the greatest song ever though. Enjoy :D

BK Crazies on Craigslist

I love weird Craigslist ads, and Brokelyn compiled a list of some recent Brooklyn barter ads on CL. Here's one:

Click image for a live, more legible link. And click here for more crazies via Brokelyn.

I REALLY LIKE BIRDS...

...BUT I ALSO REALLY LIKE THESE PHOTOS.


These photos depict the stomach contents of decaying albatross chicks on a remote marine sanctuary, more that 2000 miles from the nearest continent. They survive on diets of human trash, but often die of starvation or choke to death. The photographer's name is Chris Jordon. You can find more of his work here.


His photography is meant to represent American consumerism. Here's part of his missions statement, "I find evidence of a slow-motion apocalypse in progress. I am appalled by these scenes, and yet also drawn into them with awe and fascination. The immense scale of our consumption can appear desolate, macabre, oddly comical and ironic, and even darkly beautiful."


His work is really great. I suggest you ch-ch-check it out..

Spencer Pratt, God's Gift To Earth

Let's play a game about one of my favorite human beings ever, SPENCER PRATT!

Only one of the following items is true, but can you guess which one???

1. He is an ordained priest, and has successfully performed four marriages.
2. He is the recipient of three James Beard Foundation medals for superior cooking.
3. He is working with The Learning Annex to become a motivational speaker.

YOUR ANSWER HERE.

RAWRRRR

7 11

ChickInStipes

FishInStripes

Crusty Crusts

FINISHED PRODUCT